Accident Prone: A Novel Read online

her. Because she was a white woman, the cops immediately threw the cuff on James and dragged his sorry ass away. James was not taken to the hospital. No doctor tended to his injuries. No report was filed. They didn’t ask him his side of the story. No photographs were taken at the station to document the beating. In fact, the police waited until the swelling went down before they even considered taking a mug shot.

  What usually happened after they fought was Crystal would call James repeatedly the next day until he forgave her. This time, however, Crystal decided to be vindictive so there had been a trial. It was mostly a he-said-she-said case. Crystal’s numerous arrests for drunk and disorderly conduct weren’t even considered. With an all-white jury hearing the case, it wasn’t much of a surprise that James was sentenced to a year in prison for domestic abuse.

  Marion was thankful it had just been a year. If her brother had had a record it would have been a lot worse. But she also knew James would probably forgive Crystal and take her back. Marion didn’t know if it was because Crystal had big boobs or because James wanted to “save” his girlfriend: a little from column A and a little column B most likely. Whatever the reason, Marion knew deep down that James would always take Crystal back.

  “No, Sam said it wasn’t Crystal.” James said. “He said it sounded like a guy. It was probably one of those Breakwater assholes.”

  The guard motioned that visiting hours were almost up.

  “Well sister, good to see you. When I get out, let’s go see that movie with that kid from Family Ties.

  “Back to the Future,” Marion said excitedly. She had wanted to see that movie for months, but was too embarrassed to go to the theater alone.

  “That’s the one,” James said. “You pay.”

  Marion was walking on sunshine as she made her way out of prison. She was so excited that she would finally get to see Back to the Future, that she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching from behind.

  “Hold it right there, young lady.” A harsh voice called out. Marion threw her hands up in the air and then turned around slowly.

  She saw her cousin Sam standing there with a wide grin on his face. Marion put down her hand hands and rolled her eyes.

  “You’re in trouble, cousin.”

  “Am I?”

  Sam nodded.

  “You didn’t accept Allie’s invitation to Thanksgiving dinner.

  Marion started to speak, but Sam cut her off.

  “You can’t say no. You have family that wants to see you.”

  Marion nodded.

  “And I think Allie invited a nice guy from church...”

  “Do you want me to come to this thing or not.” Marion snapped. She was surprised at how ballsy she was.

  “Okay! Okay!” Sam answered in mock surrender. “No matchmaking. Just family.”

  “You got that right mister!”

  “I’ll stop by in the afternoon and pick you up.”

  “I have a car...”

  “I’ll stop by and pick you up. That way I’ll know you’ll be there and that you will have to stay for the entire meal, not take off as soon as you get to the house.”

  “Fine.” Marion sighed and surrendered to her fate. Marion put on a brave face. She smiled and waved then got the hell out of there.

  “Thursday! Don’t forget!” Sam called out.

  So it was that Marion found herself shanghaied.

  Article VI: The High and the Mighty

  Now, the Duke wasn’t one to tell tales out of school, but the truth of the matter was the Navy was full of cocksuckers.

  And if the Duke had made one mistake in his life, it was joining the mother fucking Navy.

  But what could he do? When that pussy Kennedy failed to pull the trigger and blow Cuba off the map, he gave those little Commie bastards an opportunity. Emboldened, those faggots decided to take over the world, starting with Vietnam. Like all true Americans, the Duke had been first in line to serve his country. The Duke wasn’t one of those cowards who burned their draft cards and fled to Canada. No sir. There is only one answer to folks who don’t want to serve their country: they need to dragged out into the street and shot for treason, pure and simple.

  The Duke had wanted to join the Air Force but he was bounced out for bad eyesight. Bad eyesight? The Duke could see well enough to blow a goddamn Commie’s head off. What else mattered?

  But the doc at the Air Force recruiting office had been a Jew. So, the Duke figured the Hebes wanted to keep the Air Force all exclusive. Fair enough. Just as long as they didn’t come calling when they needed him to save their ass.

  The next stop was the Navy. Apparently the Navy had no problem with bad eyesight as he was pressed into service right away. After completely basic training he was given an assignment. Now, the Duke should have known something was up when they shipped his ass off to the liberal capital of the world: Seattle, Washington. Maybe it was all the rain, but something had turned all the people’s brains there to mush. God damn they didn’t even vote Republican!

  But the Duke was a hard man, serving his country and making his daddy proud; that’s all that mattered as far as the Duke was concerned.

  The Duke had been promoted to Seaman Apprentice within a month. The Duke figured in six months he could probably make ensign, and by the end of the year be Captain of his own ship. It really just depended on how much his country needed him to fight the Commies. The Duke felt confident he could convince his Superiors that he was the right man for the job. He wondered if he would be able to skip a few ranks and be promoted to Captain right away. That really would be the best thing for America. At any rate, the Duke was fully committed to take over as fleet Admiral by the end of the next year. When that happened, he would do what no one else had the balls to do: take the fight to Mother Russia itself. Yep, the Commies had better watch their ass... cause the Duke was a coming for them.

  Of course, right now he had to suffer the indignities of a lowly seaman. The Officers were jealous and knew of his fast track to the Captain’s chair. So, the Duke put up with the verbal abuse, and he put up with demeaning orders like swabbing the deck and clean this or that. He would win them over, eventually, and when he became captain of this here ship well... payback is a bitch ain’t it.

  What got the Duke through was a dream he had. Not one those false dreams that came while you slept. No this here was a real life dream. He could see himself, a lowly Seaman Apprentice, swabbing the deck. Suddenly, there would be an attack from above. The Commies! Without warning the Captain, and the Commanding Officers, would be gunned down. With no one else there, the Duke would be forced to take control of the bridge. Through his brilliant leadership he would steer the ship to victory. They would have to make him captain then, because he had been baptized by fire. By then, of course, he would have won the men over to his command and they’d protest serving under anyone else. Yep, the Duke figured that’s probably how it would happen. After all, that’s the American way. What was stalling his chances at promotion was the fact that he hadn’t seen any actual combat yet. The ship had been docked in Seattle for over a month and there was no sign that it would be deployed anytime soon.

  No doubt some liberal bureaucrat up in D. C. was causing trouble and keeping real Americans out of the good fight. How many other soldiers had been turned away because of “bad eyesight”. The Duke had to wonder why people still voted Democratic. Nixon would set everybody straight. When that Kennedy wanna-be LBJ got kicked out of office next year, good men like Nixon could finally get this country back to what it should be doing. And it wasn’t any of this Civil Rights BS either. No, America should be kicking Commie ass, pure and simple.

  Yep, with Nixon in charge and the Duke commanding the fleet, the war in Vietnam should be over in a few months if not weeks.

  Perhaps that’s exactly what would have happened if the Duke hadn’t meet Jesus a week later.

  “No Hey Zeus.”

  “Looks like Jesus to me, fella.” The Duke said upon being introduc
ed to his bunk mate.

  Jesus had been a last minute addition to the crew. He wasn’t a Seaman, but had a specialist rank: Engineering Mate. Basically, old Jesus was a glorified mechanic. Jesus was a good enough guy, the Duke supposed, for a beano that is.

  They worked different shifts, so it was rare that either man was ever in their quarters at the same time.

  Still the Duke went out of his way to be nice to Jesus. Once he became Captain, the Duke figured, a guy like Jesus might be handy to have around. He would need someone he could trust to fix the ship, especially after they were in enemy territory.

  As it was, it was with Jesus that the Duke had had the best moment of his life. Both men had been granted a weekend furlough at the same time. Since neither one had any family or friends in the area they decided to spend their weekend together. The Duke had never been much of a drinking man. Except if you counted the few times that the Duke had sneaked beers from his daddy after his daddy had passed out in front of the TV. It was Jesus who introduced the Duke to the joys of vodka.

  They had hit the Seattle bars on Friday, and by Saturday night both men were royally wasted. They stumbled their way back to the ship and somehow made it back to their quarters. If they had been caught by any of the officers it would have meant demerits for sure. But the angel that protects drunken fools was with them that night and saw them safely through.

  The Duke fell onto his bunk. Jesus, however, was